I am generally a little sniffy about TV garden makeovers. To me instant gardening is the antithesis of what it is all about, in fact it may very well be one of those oxymorons. In fact I would go as far as to say that the words “instant” and “gardening” should never appear the same sentence. “Unrushed”, “considered”, “evolving”, “organic”, any of those adverbs would be much more to my liking. However sometimes needs must.
The other day Mrs G casually dropped into conversation the following nugget:
“Did I tell you about the wedding party that is arriving at the weekend? They are getting married at Rosemoor then coming back here for the reception, their marquee is going to be right in front of that long border. Do you think you could tidy it up a bit?”
I replied:
“Do you mean the border that has been ignored for the whole season as we were going to completely blitz it and redo it over the winter months? And do you mean RHS Rosemoor, the Royal Horticultural Society’s flagship for the south-west that is looking particularly splendid at the moment and where we will obviously be compared with? And do you mean NEXT WEEK!!!!”
“Yes, yes and yes.”
“OK.”
So myself and Slasher Sean cleared entrenched weeds, removed rogue trees, dug out invasive grasses, disguised broken bits, robbed from other parts of the farm and planted new specimens, before finally mulching with some luscious woodchip. In keeping with tradition we did a big reveal to Mr and Mrs G who I think were quite happy, although when they see the gaps on the rest of the site I am not sure they will be (only joking!) (or am I?).
The result of this challenge is that SS and I are thinking of a pitching a new TV programme to the BBC called Farm Force. It will have a similar format to other such programmes but we will bring a pig and a chicken with us. What do you think? It could work!
Off The Edge Gardening 
It’s a winner, especially if you wear you t shirt inside out!
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What a great idea!
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Thanks for this. I thought I was the only one who hated those instant garden makeovers where people truck in a load of soil, put in some potted plants and then have a drink to celebrate. However, I would watch Farm Force. Especially if it involve a chicken and a cow. And the t shirt. hahaha
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I think we are on to a winner, would you like to do a guest appearance?
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hahaha Only if I can be the scary wild eyed woman blundering from out of some bush!
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Another great idea, this could become a cult success! You might need a catch phrase …….
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I am not familiar with such garden shows (we have lots with homes makeovers), but yours
may bring in a large audience I think :)))
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You can be in charge of the Canadian franchise!
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I don’t think I would be too successful, maybe if I learn cartwheeling and other tricks of yours…:))
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It could be on the lines of International Rescue for gardens: the chicken enclosure could be remodelled to make Tracey Island, with Thunderbird (or FarmForce 2) parked in the henhouse. With a full payload of John Innes and Begonias you should still be able to clear the Farmhouse roof.
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Amazing! You are right Mr G, I am not thinking big enough. Now where did I leave Mr Speilberg’s number ……
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I will put ‘Farm Force’ on my Locate TV picks, essential viewing! I hope the weather is kind for the big event after all your efforts.
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I hope so too, they were arriving today and the wedding is on Saturday so hopefully this horrendous weather will have cleared through by then!
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It could work. But no decking. Please.
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No decking, definitely!
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I’ve always wanted to do one where we go in and dig up all the hard landscaping and decking and replace it with living plants – over several years of course and always with the t-shirt inside out and some wild hair – so perhaps not the best for a TV show
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It would be a very long running series, but would keep us all in work for a long time!
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The annual Apring Garden Shows put on at county fairs are similar and really only show you what could be done to your own if you had a lot of money, 6 gardeners and time to hide all the debris which stacked up during the winter.
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I was hoping you would take on the Californian franchise of Farm Force Kayti?
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Best to bring some sheep 🙂
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It reminds me of a next door neighbour we used to have. They brought in a huge truck with a giant “arm”. It was called “The Slinger” or some such name, and it hurled grass seeds and soil all over their admittedly patchy lawn. It was quite a sight to see.
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Wow, that sounds very dramatic! Did it work?
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It did work, but all the properties in that area used wells as their water source, and many of the wells were quite limited in capacity, so I don’t know whether they were able to provide enough water to keep the lawns looking that way. We moved away two years ago.
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