Inner Voices

We are now the proud owners of a water butt. It arrived a couple of weeks ago to greetings of “wow, that is big!” and “I didn’t realise it would be so enormous!”. Still, this is South Wales, not known for desert conditions. Soon it is sure to be full and I can water the garden with aplomb instead of guilt as the water bill rises.

DIY is not the house speciality. We accept this fact with a little sadness but are resigned to our fate. The printed instructions for installation of the butt were incomprehensible. I trawled the internet and found a video. We watched the video. Easy-peasy. You just remove a section from the downpipe, fit the thingy into it and then the other end of the elephant trunk goes into to the butt. OH will manage that, if not easily, then eventually.

“I’ve decided” OH announced, “that we will install the water butt together” as if it was some grand romantic gesture. “Great” said I. Inner voices were saying something quite different.

Time passes

“Today, I am going to have a day off, no chores, no admin, just suiting myself”. I said. “That is the best idea, you relax, you’ve been working very hard.” was my caring OH’s reply.

Half an hour later. “Shall we do the water butt now?”. “OK” I replied. Inner voices were shouting something quite different.

We watched the video again. “Would you like to see it one more time?” I asked. “No need, I think I’ve got it.”

I was in charge of holding onto the downpipe whilst he sawed and reminding OH what was on the video. Let us just say, it was not a bit like the film. There was minimal shouting, a lot of adjusting and reassuring ourselves that there must be quite a large margin for idiots. Once the pipe was severed, I left him to it.

Time passes.

I was called to inspect the work. It is in place. It is rather skewy, charmingly at a jaunty angle, but it is definitely in place. “It is just perfect.” I said “Like us. Perfectly unperfect. ” And for once my inner voices agreed.

Whether it works or not, is a different issue. Since then, not a drop.

The suspense is palpable.

19 thoughts on “Inner Voices

  1. Luckily my OH is pretty good with DIY, no I am not sharing him! We too are imperfectly perfect, since we have different strengths and weaknesses, but like you believe Love conquers all, and a sense of humour of course. Maybe you should head for a day out, without umbrella or coat and it may just rain! Otherwise the meteo says you are going to have to wait. My OH is filling our butt with all the ‘I really need to run the tap water till it is hot’ water, and then I can water at leisure by using the butt. See he does all the washing up, for me that is perfect!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I keep meaning to get a water butt or two but the installation is putting me off. My inner voice agrees with that feeling as it knows I’m only good at diy if it involves screwdrivers, a Stanley knife or a toffee hammer…

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh gosh…. I’ve said it before… I like your storytelling style very much! This is excellent. I’d say perhaps approaching A+
    I shall do a rain dance with such gusto that the butt will be filled to the brim. Your aplomb watering can commence shortly.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. 😂🤣😅 i feel like you just spoke the (comic) truth of my own situation, only my spouse and I have yet to actually attempt to install ours. It’s been months, and we are in a drought here in CA. Your posts are funnier than some of the comedy program I watch to cheer myself up. Thanks!


  5. Perfectly unperfect sounds good. Well done for attaching the water butt to the down pipe. I couldn’t do that with mine as my pipes are all metal, so mine are attached to sheds instead and decidedly unperfect – but they work 🙂 Hope you get some rain soon to test it

    Liked by 1 person

  6. If it’s any consolation a civil engineer of many years experience installed our water butt adaptor, measuring everything to a millimetre accuracy, and it still ended up slightly squiffy 😊

    Liked by 1 person

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