Yesterday was a day of poor decision-making, dismal actually. The first error came early, when I thought a supermarket sandwich would be a treat, it wasn’t. When I needed some sustenance it let me down badly, I think it was salami and cheese although this is not certain. It was everything a sandwich shouldn’t be – limp, tasteless, sweaty. My final error was that it would be far quicker to take the back road home, it wasn’t. After partaking in what is known as rush hour in these parts, I then joined a slow-worm of traffic behind a driver who can’t have seen the “back to national speed limit” sign after Muddiford. However the middle mistake was the worst.
I had just emptied my trug after a rather enjoyable morning gardening at Spotty Dotty’s. I was looking forward to my lunch time sandwich (mistake) and about to go and eat the aforementioned undelicious meal when I was diverted. Some in my head demon said “why don’t you go and look at the river that gently meanders past the bottom of the garden and work out where you could dangle your hot pasty feet on a sunny day”. Due to my extreme body dysmorphia (6ft super model with 36″ legs) I thought that I could easily step over the fence. Instead I tripped on the top wire and fell headlong into a patch of nettles. No need to weep dear friends, although stung over 90% of my body I was otherwise unharmed and, if we are looking on the bright side, well and truly stimulated. My pride had suffered a great big ding but as no one had seen this sorry event could be kept on a “need to know basis”. After my dramatic arrival I thought I had I better go and look at the river, there was some minor pain and major tingling occurring by now. Somehow the moment had been ruined and I decided to return my lunch (sigh).
So I made my way back and on the way noticed a lone wood anemone (see exhibit A below) , a perfect photo opportunity. Reaching for my camera, I was mortified when there was a gaping hole where it should have been. It must have fallen out of its pouch when I fell (sorry got over fence in an alternative manner). So back I trudged to my favourite patch of nettles, this time armed with a large stick, to search for my camera. Nothing. I walked back to the river carefully CSIing each side. Nothing. At great risk to the remaining unscathed 10%, I flattened the nettles. Nothing. I extended my search to another patch of nettles. NOTHING. Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid!!!!
Time was running short and as I was due somewhere else there was nothing for it but to cram down my sandwiches (awful) and set off to my next job. Luckily this was just across the road. Just before I left I thought that I should have one last look, this time with my glasses on. Perhaps it was where I got a dock leaf to salve my wounds. NOTHING. Perhaps I missed it at the original scene of crime. NOTHING. Perhaps I am getting rather grumpy. DEFINITELY. Stupid, stupid, stupid STUPID. I even asked George the cat to help, he just looked at me and said “no you are too stupid”.
Then a brain wave. Perhaps it was already lost before I had fallen. Now there’s a thought! Let us rewind, where had I been? The last photo I had taken was of George in the shrubbery (exhibit B below). A brisk walk back to the border, with a little more optimism in my heart, and there it was, in the middle of a geranium, laughing. I didn’t care that it was mocking me, even George was sniggering, I had found my camera. Of course now I would have to confess to Dotty exactly what the trampled area beyond the fence was all about. I will be blaming wildebeest, I am sure she will believe me …….
Off The Edge Gardening 
Oh my, I should NOT be laughing, but….!!! Seriously, I am going to bookmark this post for ready reference on those days when only one or two (okay, three) things go wrong and I begin to feel hissy-fitty about it! 😀
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I can’t believe you are laughing at my woes! it was just one of those days when you wish you had taken another road 🙂
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Beautiful garden, I think I have Phormium envy – long legs, too. Supermarket sandwiches must be fully vetted before purchase, I will only eat Cuban Sandwiches (probably not available in the UK)
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Cuban sandwiches sound wonderful, please elaborate! The sandwich issue was a laziness one, I have learnt my lesson. 🙂 ps I am really 5ft 2″
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At Publix, this sandwich consists of Boar’s Head sweet ham, Spanish-styled roasted pork, Swiss cheese, a line of overlapping dill chips, and plenty of yellow mustard and mayonnaise (commercial) spread on a long Cuban roll which is then pressed.Jun 7, 2011
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Yum!
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.. and surely it was all worth it to retrieve that photo of George? and the anemone of course.
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It was, he is really a lovely cat and had been helping me earlier, the way cats do!
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Hope that you don’t react too badly to nettles. Ever time I get stung I tell myself that I am building up immunity, but it is sadly not true. Great picture of your cat George though.
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I have always thought nettle are most potent in spring, I can confirm that!
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What an extremely beautiful division of colors in your first photo! Simply lovely.
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Thank you, not my planting but those before me, it certainly caught my eye this week.
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Oh my goodness Gill, I feel for you! I was pushed into a huge patch of stinging nettles once at a youth hostel in the Cotswolds and that scarred me for life. I like to think you are rather hardier than me though 🙂
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I was very embarassed, let me know who pushed you I will sort them out!
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I was about 12, it’s too painful to recall “-)
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Oh dear, I had forgotten nettles. How awful for you. Good story though, and so glad you found your camera. How else could you have captured the floral scene comprised of layers of yellow, red and blue? Lovely
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Thank you Kayti, nettles are very good for wildlife, very bad for clumsy nosy gardeners 🙂
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Did I get this right? It was the wildebeest that pushed you into the nettles while George sneaked off with the camera… Right??
Very happy the pictures (and camera) were retrieved! There are those days…
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I am pleased that someone is paying attention!
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What a day! I hope you were able to round it off by imbibing in a liquid medicinal, purely to calm the stings and the frayed nerves of course.
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Yes Dr Morton, I did 🙂
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Hilarious Gill!
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I can still see a book in the making…love your tales of woe…did make me laugh out loud though Mr Malc thought I was having a fit…x
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Thank you Sue x
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That’s a fetching photo of George, but I’m sorry to hear about the nettles. Hard to believe there are recipes that include them (nettles, not cats).
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True, I never tried any but I hear nettle soup is very nice!
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Oh dear, you poor thing, but it’ s not all bad. Nettle stings are very good for arthritis I believe. So that’ s good. And you found your camera. And you didn’ t get to dangle your feet in cold water and get your death of cold. Or Weil’ s disease. And you made us all laugh.
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Well if you put it like that …..
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