Don’t be my friend, it is dangerous. I just can’t help but share.
This morning my phone rang, it was Hero. Laughing. What a nice surprise. Although perhaps a little disturbing. “I thought I’d ring and give you a giggle”, “OK” I said, never one to turn down the opportunity for a chortle, “I’m stuck”, “How, why, where and how again?”, “I tried to get up the hill to the garden but started slipping backwards, so I thought I would carefully, and in full control of the car, reverse back down. I ended up 1cm from Peter’s wall and I can’t go forward and I can’t go backwards and I’ve blocked the road”, “Oh dear”, more manic laughter, “I’m shaking”, “Do you need to go to the loo?”, “Well I didn’t until you mentioned it, I suppose at least it would melt the ice”.
Several years ago we were driving to work in similarly icy conditions and had ourselves an incident. On that occasion we had a close encounter with a dry stone wall. The day before I had filled a bucket with grit from the silo opposite the garden and used this to help us get out. Let me mention two things at this juncture, first of all this is the only time I have knowingly done anything sensible, secondly you are not supposed to “half inch” this grit and if anyone reports me to the authorities I will deny it and this blog will spontaneously combust. I suppose breaking the law isn’t very sensible. Disregard the first. But I had learned from this experience.
“Have you got any grit in the car?”, “No but I can see a container just up the hill and I think I’ve got a carrier bag somewhere, the problem is that it is too slippy to get out of the car. Actually, if I walk up the narrow grass verge I might make it, I’ll call you back”, “If you fall over aim to land on your bottom”. Always ready with a top tip.
Time passes. I imagine broken limbs, a severely bruised behind. My phone rings.
“I managed to get there and back, scattered the grit and now I’m waiting for the thaw”, “Shall we come over?”, “Then we will both be stuck”, “OK, shall I send a drone with a bacon butty for you”, “You could send a man in a helicopter to climb down a rope ladder”, “I’ll see if I can find his number, call me when you are free”. I was left wondering if she wanted to be rescued by Helicopter Man or just have him deliver the sandwich.
Time passes. I imagine a painfully swollen bladder. I message her.
“I’m home now, some nice people who had been walking on the beach found me, the man managed to get the car out of its tricky predicament, all is well.”
Once more the kindness of strangers. There is a lot of it about.
Later she popped around for a cup of tea and a couple of ginger nuts. She seemed relatively unscathed. Still laughing.