I am generally a little sniffy about TV garden makeovers. To me instant gardening is the antithesis of what it is all about, in fact it may very well be one of those oxymorons. In fact I would go as far as to say that the words “instant” and “gardening” should never appear the same sentence. “Unrushed”, “considered”, “evolving”, “organic”, any of those adverbs would be much more to my liking. However sometimes needs must.
The other day Mrs G casually dropped into conversation the following nugget:
“Did I tell you about the wedding party that is arriving at the weekend? They are getting married at Rosemoor then coming back here for the reception, their marquee is going to be right in front of that long border. Do you think you could tidy it up a bit?”
“Do you mean the border that has been ignored for the whole season as we were going to completely blitz it and redo it over the winter months? And do you mean RHS Rosemoor, the Royal Horticultural Society’s flagship for the south-west that is looking particularly splendid at the moment and where we will obviously be compared with? And do you mean NEXT WEEK!!!!”
“Yes, yes and yes.”
So myself and Slasher Sean cleared entrenched weeds, removed rogue trees, dug out invasive grasses, disguised broken bits, robbed from other parts of the farm and planted new specimens, before finally mulching with some luscious woodchip. In keeping with tradition we did a big reveal to Mr and Mrs G who I think were quite happy, although when they see the gaps on the rest of the site I am not sure they will be (only joking!) (or am I?).
The result of this challenge is that SS and I are thinking of a pitching a new TV programme to the BBC called Farm Force. It will have a similar format to other such programmes but we will bring a pig and a chicken with us. What do you think? It could work!