Knickers in the Seaweed

P1020795 (3)Working in a coastal garden, albeit at the top of a mountain, means there is an almost constant supply of seaweed available on the beach below.  With this free resource you can create valuable and nutritious feeds and composts full of trace elements vital to healthy soil and therefore healthy plants.  A few years ago, when the builders were in residence we persuaded them to take their dumper truck to the beach where we loaded it with the precious weed.  They then chugged it up that darned hill and dumped it at the entrance for us to barrow around the garden.  Having earlier dug out an overgrown bed of mixed iris to make way for the new Pastel Border I decided that this would an ideal place to store the salty treasure.  Here it would be exposed to the good old North Devon rain which would flush away any excess salinity.   Several weeks later, the new border planted up and looking good, I was showing off my achievement to a visitor.   Pointing out the elegant Rosa “Evelyn”, the delicate Potentilla fruticosa “Elizabeth” and …. to my horror I noticed pair of rather manky looking knickers slap bang in the middle of the bed.  Quickly I pointed out something of supreme interest in the far distance and herded her off in that direction.  Later I returned with the pitch fork and disposed of the lost lingerie.  And no, before you ask, they definitely weren’t mine!

Class

P1020771 (2)Earlier in the week I was, for my sins, a panelist at a “Gardener’s Question Time” event in a local garden centre.  I was joined by two others whose joint CV’s were extensive and involved phrases such as RHS examiner, lifetime in horticulture, university lecturer, supplier of vegetables to supermarkets, explorer and astronaut*.   Luckily neither of them professed cartwheeling expertise so it was just as well that I could fill this gapping hole in the knowledge base.  It was a bizarre event, one might say an out of body experience, but for all that not unpleasant.  On the whole the audience were a jolly crew with an assortment of questions, some of which I even knew the answer to.  Unfortunately none were queries concerning acrobatics of any sort, although I did have the subject covered.  You will be pleased to know that I brought a little class to the proceedings by telling my knickers in the seaweed story.  Not even the astronaut could trump that!

*fib

Hygrocybe calyptriformis- Pink Waxcap

P1020789 (2)My knowledge of mushrooms is limited to fry ups and risottos.  Apparently it has been a good year for the edibles but I am far too cowardly to pick my own.  This combination of ignorance and cowardice has kept me alive so far.  My poor fungal education does not prevent me from appreciating their beauty and today there were a fine assortment on the bottom lawn.  These ranged from deepest red through additive orange and custard yellow to this palest pink waxcap.  It is also known as The Ballerina and I am undecided as to whether it is a thing of beauty or would suit a supporting role in a horror film/sci fi movie.

I am hoping my identification is accurate, if any ballerinas out there are offended at my incorrect designation please forgive me and refer back to above “my knowledge of fungi is limited …”

GP – Blue Hydrangea

_FCN8303Let us talk about the fabled Blue Hydrangea, to some more desirable than the golden fleece, as sought after as the holy grail.  Each year at the local flower show there is a category for Best Blue Mophead.  This puzzles me.  Actually a lot of what happens at the flower show puzzles me (although I love it really).  Actually a lot puzzles me.  Anyway let us not get distracted; my point is that the only requisite for growing blue hydrangeas as opposed to any other colour is that you must have acidic soil.  Basically if you garden on alkaline soil you are stuffed.  No matter how skilful a gardener you are you cannot avoid this fact.  So to all those who say “I am desperate to grow blue hydrangeas but they always turn out pink”  I would say, “Either move house or give up”.   Don’t try to change the pH, don’t try to grow them in pots, don’t try witchcraft!  You are fighting a fight in which you will always come second.  This may sound a little defeatist, but some battles are worth the effort and some are not.   By all means attempt to grow the Lesser Spotted Doddlewort from Outer Mongolia, take a crack at grafting a rose onto an apple tree, have a go at propagating the Amazonian Sky Fern, but do not try to grow blue hydrangeas if you have the wrong soil.  Anyway what is so wrong with pink? Come on get in touch with your Barbie side!

I am not proud.  I have no qualms about taking other people’s images and using them to my advantage.  In a bare face manner.  Not even blushing.  A friend of a friend and now someone that I might just tag onto and pretend he is an old buddy took this picture.  He is a real life photographer, he has won awards, he has photographed Ralph Fiennes for god’s sake!  And he makes a mean curry (allegedly).  Do not panic ladies and gents, I do have his kind permission to use this photo.   Really you should check him out, his name is Matt Anker, he is the real McCoy.  You can then also say that you almost know him.

ID

P1020740 (2)A request that puts fear in the soul of all but the most confident of gardeners is “can you identify this plant/flower/weed”.  This is the horticultural equivalent to the doctor’s “I have a pain in my left kneecap”, the builder’s “there is a leak in our back bedroom” and the chef’s “my cake didn’t rise”.  It happens frequently and of course I do my best but it is one thing recognising something insitu, quite another in the obscure states that are demanded. Sometimes it is a photo (the combination of a phone camera and me with no specs is a recipe for disappointment), sometimes a verbal description “blue, biggish”, occasionally a real life specimen, dessicated and crumpled, pulled out of a pocket or handbag.  Today I was presented with the above flower, admittedly in fine fettle, which had come as part of a florist bouquet.  I failed to ask if the gentleman in question had asked permission to raid his wife’s display, I would imagine not.  Anyway I didn’t have a clue, what I did know was in this instance I was also eager to find what this splendid flower was.  So I did what any “moderne” gardener would do in desperation, I Googled “orange thistle” and all was revealed.  This is Carmanthus tinctorius, any the wiser?  It is also known as False Saffron or Safflower, sounding a little more familiar?  It is grown commercially across many parts of the world including the Americas, Asia and Australasia where the seed is used to make a vegetable oil very similar to sunflower oil.  The petals are used as a substitute for saffron.  There is evidence that it was used by the ancient Egyptians as a dye and is also used to colour Buddhist robes.  It is also used as a nutritional supplement.  So many virtues attached to one plant.  This overt usefulness is all very well but let us not forget those stunning thistle like flowers which come in varieties of clear yellow, orange or red.  The mystery is why haven’t I grown it yet?!