Today I’m finding it hard to settle to anything. The weather is ominous, by turns sun and brooding, and the beyond shameful behaviour last night of a few of my homeland’s lesser beings has left a rather unpleasant aura around me. Still the day hasn’t been without successes. Earlier we took a trip to the garden centre to buy peat-free and inadvertently a new plant that begged embarrasingly until I picked it up and brought it home with us. Be sure you will meet this new member of the family at a later date. First there are other introductions to be made.

It is way past time that I acquaint you with a special new client. I have been working for him for a few weeks now, without major ill incident. The reason I haven’t shared any of our exploits is because I have struggled to think of a pseudonyn for this fine gentleman. These things cannot be forced. They present themselves when they are ready. Last week, whilst rummaging in the undergrowth, I was visited by an inspirational spectre. Suddenly it became all too apparent what his moniker was to be. He is a man found of technology. The garden is replete with irrigation systems, solar lights, customised wildlife feeders, rocket launch pads, and Alexa tells us when the delivery driver is arriving or the lunch is ready. Why hadn’t I thought of it before? It was quite obvious, his name would be Inspector Gadget!

I broke the news to said esteemed client who, like myself, didn’t know much about this famous cartoon fellow. At pasty time he looked his namesake up on Wiki, ummed a little, looked sideways at me and read out loud “Gadget is powerful, lovable, caring, and protective, and loyal to his career as a lawman”, “Nothing wrong with that!” I replied, rather pleased with my choice. He continued reading “but he is also dim-witted, clueless, incompetent, and gullible.” “Oh” I said. After an awkward pause and absolutely no sniggering, I said “Then you will be his brother who is clever and competent and sharp as your Niwakes! Professor Gadget, it shall be.”.

I think I got away with it.